Hi Caroline,

the story you wrote is really beautiful and I thank you that you shared it with others, because I think are a lot of people that can relate and that it can help them to open up a little bit more if they wish :).

I am also happy that you in time found out what makes you happy and where you feel at home with yourself. I also agree that it is beautiful to have such great friends that support you and that you can have a lot of fun with them.
In this one year I also decided to share my sexuality with some friends and it was a nice experience.

With all that I do agree that being normal is overrated because it just doesn’t matter and I do love that I am so different and that I can show love to so many differenet people no matter what is their gender, skin color or any other difference.

As you wrote, maybe my experince with someone with a penis would be different but in real life I am sometimes not sure if I want that and not because of others but because of me :). I do admit I am attracted to the penis but sometimes it just feels more as a fantasy.
Ofcourse it would be fun to try out something with a guy and maybe in time I will do that. And what I wrote about my erection problems the feeling when I am with a woman is sometimes weird but it is more a fear of not peforming that a fear of not wanting sex with her. I love to be with her, spend time with her, to kiss to hug to touch and everything in between, but at the same time as you wrote I was also sometimes thinking if my body is telling me somehing. I do must say that when I was with my exes I was the one that wanted sex most of the time and so it was confusing if I wanted it, how could I be gay. And a few times in life I wanted to label myself as gay but it just didn’t feel right so I decided that being bisexual is the only label that I kinda feel ok with. But when I am with a
woman I do sometimes feel guilty like it is not ok if I am at the same time attracted to the male organ. If I go back to my fear of performance, I get very anxious when I am under pressure and when I have or about to have sex I feel like I have to perform and if I don’t the woman is gonna leave and won’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. So do fear about that is sometimes very overwheling and you know when you have that beautiful and exciting feel when you are with somenone, well in my case I get taht feeling but then the mind enters with different thoughts and I kinda loose that feeling and it is just frustrating when the desire to have sex is there but the body sometimes doesn’t go with it. And because what I experienced with some of these exes I am now kinda afraid to start something new with someone because as you said that you need a emotional connection so do I when I want have anything with them. That is way I never wanted those sexual experiences for one night.

So to conclude what I meant is that I don’t actually want to label myself because that doesn’t define who I am and if a woman would accept me for who I am I would feel in love I would be very happy to be with her. I love diversity and I love being quirky and different and not “normal” because we as humans are beings of the earth and in nature there are some rules but most of them are not as strict and there you are who you are, it doesn’t matter who you love or want to be with.

I do want to thank you what you wrote because when someone opens up like you did I love it and I immediately felt a connection with you and the beautiful heart you have. It was so nice to read that there are more people like this and the some just don’t conform to the rules of society when it comes to love. You seem very nice and I can feel you have a beautiful soul so I hope to hear from you again :).