Dear Lucie:

I will retell here what you shared in your 2014-2015 threads before I attend to what you shared yesterday, five years after your last post.

In April 2014, you (age 23 or 24) had a “great dilemma”: you were engaged to a man (Dwane) who “still loved his ex and on top of this he cheated” on you with multiple women. He told you that he dreamt of his ex. The women he cheated on you with called you and fought with you. When you told him about it, he said: “not to worry he gonna marry me, not them”. During the relationship, you “desperately waited each day for his call or text… cried at nigh”, but he “said he is busy with work and not to phone him”.

While engaged, you met a guy (Stephan, age 26 or 27) at work and the two of you became friends, texted and “went out for movies and lunch.. shopping”. You noticed that he was interested in you as more than friends. Unlike Dwane who rarely talked to you for more than 10 minutes, Stephan talked to you for way longer, texted you morning and night, skyped, “was all here for me”, you wrote. At times you and Stephan “quarreled over small issues.. a repeating pattern”. Stephan had “an ego problem”, not accepting that he can be wrong about anything and demanding that you apologize regardless of you believing that he was in the wrong. At one point he did not reply to your apology and to your other many messages for three days, and unfriended you on Facebook. When he answered you on the fourth day (and re-added you on Facebook), you “melted”. Stephan understood that you love him, telling you that you “can’t live without him now”. And indeed, you wrote: “I love Stephan a lot”.

Stephan told you that you “make things complicated”, that you “always have a problem whether at work or family issues.. and that’s why he avoids too much of talking coz he keeps himself immune from these matter. He keeps himself calm”. He suggested that you should “limit.. problems and be stable”. Stephan also told you that you Dwane is the wrong guy for you for not valuing you. “I know he is talking right. coz really am very emotional”.

In September 2014, you shared that you (age 24) were still engaged to Dwane who “does not have time” for you, “supposed to get married in the next 2 years”, and you were in love with your “close guy friend”, Stephan (age 27). You were afraid: “what if he learns about my feelings and squarely rejects me”. You wrote about him: “I love him so much.. He’s always on my mind, in my thoughts. Everyday he’s in my prayer”. The two of you quarreled again, then he sent you a romantic song.

In August 2015, you (age 25) shared that you are confused about your feelings for Stephan (age 28). When you got a simple message from him, like “hi how are you”, your “heart pounded”. At one point, you “told him the truth, that I fell for him”. Sometime later, he told you that he is single, and you wrote that Stephan is a womanizer, and that you want to see him happy “even though I feel my life is incomplete without him. I feel like crazy in love, I feel happy that I fell in love with such a guy and love him forever without any expectations, just he’s safe in his world and achieve everything in life”. You wrote that you “are moving away from my boyfriend.. But to move on with my friend, isn’t it a bit too early as I don’t know what does he think of me?”

At the time, I suggested to you to ask Stephan questions so to get the information that you need. You answered me: “you’re right about the open ended questions and more communication. But he has always been a yes or no guy while texting. He does not like long messages, he may not read them… Now he has even blocked my number.. I don’t know what’s the reason”.

September 2015: “I’m not a great believer of astrology, but scared of it.. Frankly, I prefer to live my life according to the flow. Whether bad or good, just go along and face it with a positive way. Let’s go happy way”.

December 2015: You wrote that you were “facing a huge emotional breakdown”, unable to understand your feelings. You shared that you and Stephan “stay in touch normally via phones or messenger”, and that recently, he told  you that he was in love, “Love at first sight” with another woman. That information shook you up, feeling “a sense of insecurity.. gloomy for when I’ll see him again. I cried and felt sad when it comes to thinking he’s in love with someone else”.

You shared that at one time, Stephan asked you if you missed him, and you answered that you were used to him. He then asked you, are you “addicted to me?”, and you answered “maybe, I don’t know”.

“To be frank, yes, I miss him during working hours too.. The first thing when I get up I msg him or its vice versa.. So my world maybe revolves around him. But he got many other friends. He’s not like me. Whereas in my case, he’s the most special one”.

November 2020: almost five years after your last post, you (age 30) shared that you have a boyfriend for the last few years. You wrote about Stephan (age 33): “he is still there, not anymore my best friend however. He just needed friend with benefit I guess. Recently he texted me, he is still single and mingling around. He knows that I got my bf”.

You shared that you are “not the hooking up material”. In previous threads you shared this as well, and that Stephan knew it and liked you for it, if I remember correctly.

“Tbh, I am happy with everything in my life. Great bf, love and everything”-

– good to read this update, Lucie. Glad that you are happy with everything and that you have a great boyfriend, love and everything. Any time you want to post again, here or in a new thread, please do.

anita