Hi anita

I did have a relaxed weekend. Felt strange as it was first weekend without her being here. Since then I have been working. Been getting few txts then she’s been phoning when I am at work for general talk a catchup. That’s been happening every day since Monday. Phoning during the say as she is still on a holiday at work and doing bits and pieces round her flat. Even my friend has noticed she’s phoning alot. Maybe she’s lonely. One day she Wass on the phone nearly 2 hours.

Last night she came round and in helped her with some furniture and we just sat having a catchup talking. She said how she wa sfeeling in life etc. She like her wee place so far etc. Asking how I was in a sense. Like i said to her u know my feeelings for you. Then she was like maybe we shouldnt see each other for a bit. But before hand she was on about Xmas and getting Xmas presents for me. Like I said to L you know how I feel about you. Not going to change my feelings with a click of the fingers.  She did go back to raking about when we first met that there wasn’t a inital attraction. Then she felt I was changing for her. No in wasn’t I was becoming more confident. She even said about the first time we went out for dinner. She was asking me question trying to get to know me etc. I was super nervous that night because she made me like that in a nice butterflies kind of way. Yes I was not holding hands etc and she new that which was brought up again last night. I just don’t know how to take the conversations sometimes. Is she testing me in a sense to see what I say.

Then she starts to say she feels guilty. I said why. Shes said if she speaks to someone I take it online she feels guilty in a sense. But she questions herself as why do I feel guilty taking to someone she’s not doing anything wrong we aren’t together. It’s like she feels guilty because she’s talking and thinks it’s wrong because of me and said about respect and caring. That’s something she need to figure out. But before she left she said I want to be honest with you. I have been talking to someone and she know me and her situation and is understanding. That she’s meeting her at tomorrow sat. When she said it I didn’t know what to say actually I didn’t say anything. I felt so sad. Since then I jsut feel a bit all over the place. It’s so hard because she will bring up stuff in the past about us. Why it didn’t work but talk if that wasn’t like that gives impression it might have then says no we were just very good friends. I just don’t know what to think. Then this about her taking to someone. She even said I know what will maybe happen eventually we will fizzle out if and when get a new partner. I will find it hard and then friendship won’t work. But then she contradicted herself as she said said that wasn’t going to happen on her side for a while. But then says not long after she been talking to someone. Anita what am I supposed to think because I am confused lol

Karen