Dear Ramona:

You shared that you’ve been together with your husband for about 18 years, a stay at home mom. Recently you were in a car accident. At the time of the accident you called him and had let him know that it happened, telling him where to pick you up. When he showed up to pick you up, you were “in pain.. traumatized and shaking”. He did not ask you if you were okay, he didn’t hug you, he did not comfort you. His reaction was anger, he was very angry that the car (purchased used for $2,500) was totaled.

You wrote: “many times I have to wonder if this guy really loves me. I always felt like I am at the bottom of the list of people he loves and cares about. He has a habit of always blaming me for things. He is a good father to the kids and provides for us, but I feel like I am not important to him… Am I missing something here? I was in an accident, could have died and it didn’t seem to matter to him. What do you guys think?”

First, I wish you a full recovery from the accident. My answer to your question: if you are missing something, it may  be that he has been angry at you for a long time. “He has a habit of always blaming me”, and congruent with this habit, he blamed you for the accident as well. Whenever he blames you, it means that he is angry with you. Seems like he is .. in the habit of being angry with you,  “always blaming”= always angry.

When a person feels anger at another person, he/she cannot feel love for that person at the same time. That he has been angry with you for a long, long time means that he did not feel love for you for that long.

If you want to explore the situation further, you are welcome to add anything that may be relevant, such as when did he start to blame you for things, in what circumstances..  and what are the things he has been blaming you for?

anita