Thank you so much for your response and helping me trying to make sense of this all.

We were dating and I became pregnant before we could get married. I was living with my parents and he was living with his parents. I decided that I will get my own place and we discussed it and he basically told me that he can’t promise that he will move in with me or even continue this relationship.   I told him my plan to move away from my parents place and that when he makes up his mind let me know. He decided to move it after a few months. It was not easy living with him from the beginning, even during my pregnancy..treated me so horribly and blames me.

After the child was born, I suffered postpartum depression. He was not supportive at all, he was talking bad about me with his family and friends. With all the arguments, in that depressive state after giving birth..I couldn’t take it, I asked him to leave. He left and came back after a couple of weeks to try and make things work.

Ever since I as younger I have always loved the idea of my future kids having the last names of both parents. I think it’s a beautiful thing.  I discussed this with him and he got so so explosive angry. I told him he can choose the order of the names. Giving our kids both last names felt right to me and I couldn’t give in otherwise.

He was angry from day One of moving in. He told me within the first few days of moving in that I wasn’t his ideal, and he cannot love me fully. He would always say that he is cursed, that he ended up with someone like me. Yet! he is still here. I have told him many time that he is free to go and find his ideal woman.

His belief is that I should convert, the kids should follow the fathers religion and have the father’s name. The woman should be a virgin as well and listen to her man. He didn’t get that, excepting the kids have both of our names and I take care of him, cook, clean, serve him his meals etc..etc. I prefer that the kids should be in a healthy environment and free to choose what they believe, they should follow their own hearts and intuition. We don’t own them, they are not property. They are human beings with feelings. Over the years with all he has said to me, making me feel like a bad person for not doing what he wants.  He always tell me that my kids will hate me when they grow up because I didn’t do all the things he wanted, convert, name, his family etc..Am I wrong for choosing to do what I felt was right?

I have never told this to anyone, so thank you for reading my long story.