He is now considering having an affair or flirting with another person just to stay alive. I cannot say anything since I have not much to offer. But I feel like, we were in this together. I was in pain with him as well. I have tried while he was trying. So this feels unfair. He wants to be by my side but he also needs stuff to try to feel alive. He is sure that he still loves me. But considers all the stuff I did with my exboyfriends (such as camping, going to different cities, smoking, drinking) as ‘living’. And he thinks that he didn’t do any of those in the past, so he feels left-alone. Although I know that’s totally an illusion, because we’ve spent our first ‘together’ week abroad, having more fun than any other ex. But then again, months after being home, I studied for masters’ exams and applied for lots of jobs and had online meetings while he was waiting for his next semester at school. So besides trying to understand my situation, since I’ve got reasons to feel stressed, he also wanted to go camping, travel, holidays etc. But I couldn’t make plans either because of the pandemic and because I wanted to find a job or draw a path to a masters or any future plans for that matter. So he got annoyed and upset about that. And now, I’m in a full-time job, therefore, I can only offer him late-night plans and my Sundays.

When I say that knowing him seeing other people would hurt me, he doesn’t want to hurt me. Although, he doesn’t want to lie to me either. So, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I realize now that I am still really dependant. Nothing has changed.