@NBC

You seem to relate to @Shelbyville experience a lot. I’ve tagged her. You can try too but she did say she’s taking a hiatus as she felt overwhelmed. I know my advice may not be as useful. Here it is though:

In healthy relationships there is clarity and peace of mind.

So although you couldn’t object outright as you were not his girlfriend, as a human the very least you deserved was the respect of not being left in the dark or ghosted without the truth.

Communicating you need space or verbalising what is bothering you is healthy and mature. Unfortunately not many are capable of doing so. It seems discussing feelings is almost perceived as a weakness!

I really do feel you don’t have closure that’s why 5 years on you are still analysing his behaviour.

Have you tried writing out your feelings addressed to him and how it impacted you and then burning it. Put a symbolic end to it. It can be very cathartic and helps to let go of the past. This may give you closure by yourself.

If a REAL MATURE man wants a woman, he will make the effort to overcome his ego, fear and pride and fight for you regardless of the circumstances. If he hasn’t then don’t make excuses for him, he is not worthy of your time and thoughts anymore. Move on.

If you are genuinely happy and content then you’ll believe; when it’s meant to be,it will be. You’ll invest in yourself and other aspects of your life but still be open to the right guy coming along and adding happiness.

So perhaps it’s that you are extreme- all or nothing. You are happy alone but when you are, you shut yourself off. Then you get that natural urge for companionship but go into turbo mode and panic thus your insecurities cause you to act needy. You haven’t actually found a balance.

If you don’t want to go on a date, don’t force it. It’s no surprise you end up reinforcing your belief because you are going in with a closed off mindset.

To make movement in life you have to put things in motion,not be passive and expect it to land in front of you. You have to give things time and be open without comparing or looking backwards.

Also shoot your shot if you like someone. Many men find that an attractive trait – a woman who knows what she wants and is confident to ask. Only an insecure man would be threatened by that.

Don’t be so rigid in your preferences or types but always stick to your values to filter out the players or manipulators which I’ll address in another post below.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Danny.