Dear Dan:

“I’ve laid my cards on the table. That might not be a good thing, because when one person has the upper hand, it can affect the dynamic going forward, but there’s no taking it back now”-

– you did the healthy thing: you told her the truth, that you want her more than you want anyone else. I say you did the healthy thing because a healthy relationship is built on telling each other how we truly feel. To worry about having the upper or lower hand- that is fitting war, not love. In war one side wins, the other side loses.

It is true that lots of supposedly loving relationships between romantic partners are war-relationship, often passive aggressive back and forth,  one side has the upper hand at one time,  the other side has the upper hand at another time, back and forth. But in those relationships, overall- both sides lose. Both sides lose because both sides wear each other down, making each other weaker, less than we could be.

Love builds, war destroys.

I hope you feel better soon, understanding that you did the right thing for yourself, a step in the right direction, whether it will be with her or with another woman.

anita