Dear Ry:

Sometime in Aug-Sept 2020, before meeting this woman, you wrote about an ex-girlfriend: “I don’t think I wanted to partner with someone who dealt with unresolved issues“, and later: “I know that if I continue to put in the work on myself, any future (with the right, emotionally mature woman) will be that much better”.

When you met the current woman in your life, what you saw first was “a girl across the floor.. slim, with beautiful eyes and a bright smile”, “She was.. refreshing after a year of solitude and a focus on improving myself”. Soon enough you learned that she too has unresolved issues: “She too attends counseling.. she battled a type of anorexia and nearly killed her… she drinks more than she should… vaped for a few years now… Maybe her vices and struggles would eventually cause me to want to walk away”- I think that her vices and struggles are very likely to cause you to walk away, and that the process of walking away is already in progress.

In my recent post to you last evening, I was sitting by the fire, feeling romantic and optimistic, wanting a love story to play out for you and for her. I am more realistic today.

You wrote last year, before you met this woman: “I continuously push women away who get close to me… I’ve certainly dealt with anger issues for much of my life.. There has always existed a frustration within me.. A chronic feeling of being misunderstood or never feeling like I fit in (That could play a part in why I keep trying different experiences. Wanting to find ‘my place’)”-

– and indeed you are looking to relocate once again, another job, another place.. a fresh start. Congruent with this pattern, you are likely to move away as soon as you find a job far away, and the current woman is likely to be a fresh start gone stale and old.

You shared last year: “my practice at keeping my feelings and emotions at a distance.. I cannot continue to hurt women (by my coldness) and I do not want to end up alone in life… my depression holds steady… I’ve certainly dealt with anger issues for much of my life”- – your anger is not loud or wild, it is a tame, quiet anger, but it is powerful nonetheless, keeping you alone in life.

Maybe this quiet anger needs to be addressed.

anita