Hi Anita,

I wanted to update you on what has been going on with the therapy.  Last night we had therapy and I must say that I attended the appointment already angered by the past year that has unfolded.  I asked my psychologist how my ex-bf and I are supposed to communicate outside of a therapeutic setting when I bring up issues or things that offend me and he pacifies me with saying he understands but then days later he comes back with “You have no right to tell me……”  I don’t know what is true and what is not.  My offenses and concern is always the same… about him viewing nudity/sex on tv and movies when I find it offensive and degrading to women.  That even when I’m not with him, he should not be viewing when I find it offensive and objectifying women.   I told ex-bf that (believe it or not he’s religious) I don’t hang upside down crosses in my house and remove before he comes over.  He would know that during the week I have the crosses hanging, not caring about his offense, truly indicating who I am.

Therefore, with the help of my psych, I told ex-bf it was a deal breaker.  That it went against the core of who I am.  I would never offend him, and haven’t.  My psych asked him how do you feel about what Katie just said.  With that ex-bf got up and held out his hand (gesturing to shake mine).  I said I’m not shaking your hand. And he left the appointment.

So, he chose nudity and sex and porn over me.  That’s what I am telling myself and that’s what is making this so easy to walk away from.  My psych told me there is really something very not right with ex-bf.  My psych has been doing therapy for 30 years and has never seen a patient like ex-bf.  He also told me he doesn’t want this for me.  After a 25 year abusive marriage hadn’t I had enough?  I agreed. So now, I move on knowing I did everything I could to resuscitate this relationship.  But I cannot be with someone who offends and disrespects who I am.

Thank you for all your advice.  I continue on with my own therapy to hopefully understand the lesson I’ve learned.

Katie