Dear Katie:

You shared something in your most recent post, Feb 5, in regard to whom we’ve been referring to as bf, that I don’t remember you sharing before: “My offense and concern is always the same.. about him viewing nudity/ sex on tv and movies when I find it offensive and degrading to women”-

I went back to the beginning of your thread with his new piece of information to see if I can come up with something new. Nov 2-4, 2020: “He is passive aggressive and has OCD; he plays mental movies of me with others I’ve dated… His therapist said that he should not see me for awhile.. because he is so angry at me.. My boyfriend mentioned a trauma from Catholic school that he never talk about… It’s almost as if his OCD ramped up when he thought I was sexually involved in high school with someone.. (who) I believe molested/ raped (me).. my boyfriend kept prying.. he wanted answers… It always puzzled me that he had no real issues with my ex… His anger directed toward this guy with regard to me.. that, in his OCD mind, this guy and I had this amazing sexual experience”-

– I have a theory now, combining that new piece of information with the Nov 1-4 information: his Catholic school trauma was an event or series of events in which he was sexually molested. He enjoyed part of the sexual experience when molested (not uncommon, and it does not change the fact that the victim was indeed a victim of sexual abuse).

Fast forward, he finds out that a man sexually molested you in high school, he gets angry at the molester (yours and his- from Catholic school) and at the victim (you and him, because he enjoyed it, and he believes that you enjoyed it as well, “in his.. mind.. I had this amazing sexual experience”).

This is why he did not obsess about you having sex with your ex-husband (not having been sexually molested by your husband, as far as he knows).  He is terribly conflicted in regard to sex: a mixture of intense enjoyment, shame and anger.

anita