@Sammy mate,  good to hear from you! How are you doing?

I’m a bit concerned about @Kkasxo too. Homie, hoping you beat Covid. Sending positive vibes your way.

@Ladies, sorry if my advice is not helping. I do hope @Shelbyville can get back to you some day soon if possible 🤞

Congratulations on the sale Sammy. You’re making great strides towards a new future.

It’s a great moment isn’t it?! When you finally realise your ex no longer has a hold on you and even if a thought of the ex crosses your mind, you can smile and leave it there.

You worked really hard on your inner self to reach this place without getting others caught in the crossfire of your heartbreak. I commend you for that. The same can’t be said for myself.

However with some self love and forgiveness I’ve made amends evolved into a complete man, noticed what I lost, appreciate and now know what real love is. ‘B’ and I are so happy now and I would endure all that pain with A again and what followed post, if that’s the road which leads to B.

So rather than focusing on the new fears, applaud yourself and well done on having the courage for working through those loose ends. That is not an easy task. You did it. You learned your own true value.

The main issue for me was “testing before buying”. I pushed B away because I always thought love wouldn’t arise for me without the physical side.

@Tim1 advice was spot on though and you can see what has transpired. We have such a deep connect on all levels we can share our true selves. I feel so close to her that for me the intimacy we already share is so special, waiting isn’t that hard anymore and i know that when the moment happens for us it will now be so beautiful.

With one night stands or flings there was a detachment so I suffered no issues but once I started getting closer and felt something real, I do believe fear of intimacy arose looking back. I worried about performance (somehow for men when we really like someone we want to be able to impress) I got caught up in my fears and projected. I thought I was not attractive or good enough for B, that’s why she didn’t want to seal the deal. I thought I’d not experience a physical relationship like I shared with A. I believed the lads that B was just playing me or a cocktease. So I do in some way comprehend how you may be feeling. It is a mixture of self doubt and ego, the advice I can give is you is;

1. Never ever compare to your ex. B mentioned this she said she was her own person and didn’t deserve that which is why she walked away. Once you start comparing you’ll push your new partner away.

2. If you take it slow form an emotional connect, have natural chemistry etc you then will start to feel ease in discussing your fears. It will create an intimacy like no other because a good partner will reassure and work with you, its compromising, patience.

If you like someone just go for it,  being overly cautious and over thinking can ruin everything. You need jump in like you did the very first time you fell in love. Be brave enough to risk it and be ignorant again!

Don’t be in a rush to skip through the courting phase. It can be fun if you allow it to be. B and I learned to compromise on the physical side but our dates were still epic!

I can tell you like this new dude already. If you don’t want to lead him on then always be clear in your intentions.

What do you want from this? Is it long term or a fling etc.

Then make your intentions known that is a sign of a mature adult relationship. As Tim once said making intentions allows accountability. You’ll check yourself. If at a certain point something obviously changes them be upfront.

Don’t do hand holding, cuddling etc if you’re unsure. Men don’t do this with women they don’t like, so they interpret these things to be flirty. So hands off approach until you’re sure!

So just be aware of what signals you’re sending out and a little forethought can prevent confusion and even hurt feelings. It’s better to stop things and say hey, I’m not feeling it then carry on hot/cold. That just is immature.

I think you’re wise and ready, don’t put it on hold because of fears. Life is too short!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Danny.