Thank you Peggy. I am a surviver. I do send out love into the universe. I don’t do it as a favor so I can get back something from it, but I hear silence in return. In fact, it often happens that I get adversity and hardship in return. Yet I don’t blame anyone or anything, hence my post, I don’t know where to find the strength. By strength I mean hope, desire, love, and other things that I want to have. I want to feel something positive. I want to look forward toward something fun and existing. It’s been ages since I had that kind of fun. I take care of my self and I try to be virtuous (from Stoic teachings) and I am also learning to let go (from Buddhist teachings), but I am only human. Sometimes all that is not enough. I stopped complaining. I am not asking for pity or a shoulder to cry on. I am just losing hope. But as I said, I am not complaining and I do thank you in earnest