Dear Bobz:

If your mother’s only concern in regard to you and this young man is that you “settle down in life”, she has picked the wrong guy for you: it is not wise of her to push this guy on you when she knows that (1) living only three kilometers away, he has arranged to see you only once every two weeks, or once every three weeks, and (2) he takes hours to reply to your texts, even a week or more (“It’s been about a week and I have not heard from him”, Feb 18).

Plus, if her interest is that you and this guy will develop a relationship, it is unwise of her to monopolize the conversations with him, excluding you from the conversations during his rare visits: “Whenever he visits me, the conversation will be mostly between my mum and him and I’ve got to wait for my turn to talk”- she should mostly exclude herself from the conversations and encourage you and him to talk.

“To clear your doubts my mum isn’t having romantic feelings toward this boy”- it is difficult to imagine, isn’t it, that your own mother, an older woman and not in great health, has feelings for a younger man. But think of it: how do you know what your mother is feeling for him?

The point about what she is feeling for him is not to suggest that she is wrong feeling this way or that way, we don’t choose our feelings. The point I am making is that it seems to me that your mother is misguided about this guy, believing that he is right for you not because he is right for you, but because she feels infatuated with him.

I suggest that you take the issue of your dating/ relationships with men outside of your mother’s attention and involvement. She is not qualified to make good choices for you on this matter.

anita