Dear TeaK,

I just had that feeling, maybe from your id name ;P

And I’m going to talk further below 🙂

If I understood it well, your relationship was never meant to be a committed relationship. Whose idea was it? How did you feel about being in such a “loose” relationship?

No, it was never a committed one, he called me his lover, if possible, I’d honestly tell him that the term sounded like a mistress. Maybe you’d say it’s more like his idea as I simply stayed silent when he said he didn’t even want a girlfriend in the beginning, but I didn’t “fall for” him much back then, haha, and it didn’t bother me much as I had no reason to assume whether he’s entertaining other people or not, because we spent a lot of time together.

And could you clarify – what do you mean when you say that you couldn’t demand much even in a committed relationship?

I discussed with him once and I said something like “only in a marriage can you ask for something”, and I’ve no interests in getting married. I’m still trying to figure out what a girlfriend is entitled to do, so far I only know that I don’t want to share the person.

True intimacy is possible only if we’re vulnerable, if we honestly share how we feel. However, you don’t need to be vulnerable with people who don’t deserve it, who don’t care about you or respect you. This man doesn’t seem like someone who’d appreciate your vulnerability, or care to reciprocate. But somewhere down the line, the right person might come along, and then, it will be important for you to be able to come out of your shell, without being so afraid to share yourself.

I’ve been manifesting a partner whom I can always turn to without hesitation!

Well, what would you like better? I think that for the sake of breaking the pattern of silence and withdrawal, it wouldn’t be bad to stand up for yourself and express how you feel or have felt. But you might also decide it’s not worth it because he wouldn’t understand it anyway, or that his remarks might hurt you, so better to stay silent. What’s important is that you’ve understood it and that you’ve decided not to tolerate certain behaviors any more.

You saw my “dilemma”! I guess I’d like to talk back or return the anger, but what’s the point, right?