@NBC we can’t control what emotions surface for us, but we can control how we act. Yes, your action of trying to be a friend whilst he was ‘lost’, hurt you in the end. It is something you chose so that at least can’t be blamed on him even though the rest of what he did was wrong.

So we have to take ownership and not allowing ourselves to remain in situations for longer than we should. Learning when to quit is actually a really good tool to possess. I learned that the hard way through my alcohol addiction and my on/off past with the ex. I wish I had left and taken a stance and shown myself respect and love sooner.

I’m glad you feel it was even in the end. I didn’t which made me feel more unworthy but again I’ve learned not to expect back in return and set boundaries. Something I had no concept of before. I just poured and poured until I lost myself.

I agree with Danny you haven’t let go fully but you definitely are now making movements. Once you let go fully there’s no need to rake over it. But you take your time to heal, I’m just impatient when it comes to being miserable or in a rut. I feel an urge to move my life forward in a meaningful way, staying like that can just make you spiral downwards and develop more bad habits.

Double standards sadly exist, unfortunately I see where you’re coming from, men do get hypocritical when it comes to body count but why on earth would he think you’re promiscuous just for kissing??

I think he was a mess, needed an escape, found you but ended up connecting emotionally. Men do not go deep with people they just want to shag. There was a deeper connection there that’s why he is able to recall you and thinks about you. Otherwise if it was a cheap fling he wouldn’t recall your name let alone the content of your conversations 5 years ago.

Like Danny said men are deprived and he even though he knew you were not what he was looking for at the moment did what most immature men do, took advantage.

Don’t allow this one man to steal your future happiness. Do it for yourself. Love yourself enough to believe something better is out there.
Treat him like a radio he’s playing somewhere but tune out of this frequency and tune into a new frequency, go discover a new soundtrack. You may find a hit!

Never ever take this man back even if he calls around and you’re still single or feeling lonely.. UNLESS real growth has occured and is demonstrated,  that would mean taking accountabilty foremost and being mature enough to express it. Otherwise trust me when I say you’ll regret going back to only find out he’s the same person.

But he doesn’t seem to want marriage as he’s stated, I’m sure you do. That’s a deal breaker so find a guy who’ll treat you and show you how much he wants it with you too! They are out there.

Honestly once you learn to be okay with being by yourself and loving your self. You no longer NEED a relationship. You will want one only if the right man steps up.

Danny thanks for that perspective, good on you for not being misogynistic. I know if I go out with my besties bro to not to cut back on that tlc you men crave, hopefully if he’s the right one he will appreciate me for it.

@NBC here if you need further advice x