Hey bro (@Jay)

Boy I’m glad you’re a man, with all this gender fluid/PC culture that would have been a right clanger!

Ahaha, I’ll keep therapist in mind but I’m good thanks, not so long ago I was a mess myself, I think my insight comes from learning from experiences and others. Also my ‘B’ she really has pushed me to change within. All positive effects.

I do get a buzz now helping others in the same or similar predicament – anything that can lessen the pain and spur healing.

What do you mean if you was out? Was this a secret relationship?

You mentioned you don’t understand why she was attracted to you at first. Obviously key thing to note here is lack of self esteem.

I think when two people initially get together it is very rare to find that someone is authentic from the offset, usually people wear masks and these become hard to keep up usually they drop and honeymoon phase ends. So although you were a mess do you feel you may have acted confident or faked it initially?

If that was the case then she was attracted to the fake you not the real you.

In what way did you feel you were incompatible?

The other reason could be is she just needed attention, to feel wanted and used you and took advantage as she realised you were easy to manipulate if you were not in a good headspace.

Why do you feel this is love? Have you ever been in love before? If you are up for it, do an exercise that I did, let me know what you think love is. What love do you feel for her. How does she show you love back in return. What do you need in a relationship? What factors are important?

Once you have written it out, step back and look are you getting everything you need. If you are then of course keep trying. However I’m sure you’ll find that the scales are very unbalanced. This is unrequited.

I mean if she is on/off then what she says holds no value really as she clearly doesn’t know what she wants and usually when women are ambivalent they already know deep down you’re not the one. Hence she can’t demonstrate the something between you you – at this point you should both be in a committed relationship as you’ve had enough time to learn about each other. If you were to ask for that commitment, would she? If the answers no, then her words are breadcrumbs to keep you around as an option, or for attention when she needs.

Another thing I picked up is you said you’ve discarded good friends for less?

This doesn’t sound too healthy. It seems you may be like most of us men you want what you can’t have, formed an attraction patterns especially towards women that are bad for you. The hot and cold makes them more alluring to you but let me tell you, this drama starts to wane you just want peace of mind in the end. These behaviour’s are down to your belief and value system. It can be changed, I’m proof!

I’ll leave it there for now. Tag me if you need anything bro!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Danny.