Thank you for the detailed responses Danny and Sammy, I’ll answer the questions you’ve asked and pretty everything you have said is spot on, at this point I’m just at the stage of trying to get myself together again which I have a done a few times, difference being this time I’m not blaming myself because I feel I’ve feel done absolutely everything I can, it’s just a horrible situation for me because even though I know it’s not right I hate knowing I have to let go and accept its never going to be more.

At first it was never fake, we knew each other anyway, I just feel that with her complicated life I just didn’t understand why she would be interested in myself but obviously there was a physical attraction, looking back it’s obvious I was used for attention and because she wanted to validate herself, over this whole ordeal I have put her on a pedestal, it probably isn’t love, I’m just basing that feeling off of allowing to be treated the way I have and still wanting to be in this person’s life and be there for them through any hardship, your probably right though it is just human nature and want something that I can’t have, I do question whether if it had gone to a full on relationship somewhere along the line I would have had second thoughts about dedicating my life to someone with 3 children, I can only go on how I feel in this moment, I just feel numb and empty at the moment to be honest probably from withdrawal of not being in contact, at the moment Im finding it difficult to enjoy anything that I used to enjoy and feel down about everything, I need to be thankful about the things I do have such as a loving family and good friends who care about me, I finally found a job I like after spending years in jobs I hated, I passed my driving test in 2010 and never bought a car and I’ve just done that 6 weeks ago and surprised myself how comfortable I was actually driving after putting it off for years because I was anxious to do so, I have discovered a lot about myself in terms of my own potential to achieve goals.

I’m just fighting a lot at the moment with contrasting emotions, it’s only been 2 weeks since we met up for that chat so I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, it’s not just going to go away, this weekend although I just didn’t feel like doing anything I have slept and eaten a lot better, I think the worst moment I’m experiencing at the moment is when I first wake up and I have to the worst anxiety pains in my stomach but as the day goes on although I think a lot about it I’m getting through the day, just feel like I’m on autopilot.

I do take a lot from this thread though as in other people’s ordeals they have got through them eventually and some have found there way to a happier path