@Jay,

How are you doing? Have you managed to control your anxiety. The original poster @Shelbyville has wrote extensively about her symptoms and how she tried to overcome them. I’m sorry I don’t suffer from anxiety on an ongoing basis like her, so my experience is limited to how I felt during my split and initial separation anxiety.

Everyone deals with loss and heartbreak differently. I was watching a documentary on Caroline Flack and it brought back some of the emotions I felt, then I realised some people really do get hit so much more harder by heartbreak. If you are concerned about not being able to cope have you considered speaking to your doctor? It really helps some people it seems to take medication to take the edge off enough to be able to get a better handle on things.

Whatever you are feeling, don’t be scared to express it and this thread is here to dump those shitty emotions and make you feel heard.

What are you so afraid of letting go of? Do you believe deep down she’s the one, and if you let her slip away or stop trying you’ll regret it?

You see i don’t think that’s the case because you acknowledged you’ve done everything you could for her and despite this she didn’t recognise your true value.
So it makes me think maybe you are projecting certain anxious or subconscious feelings i.e. fear of being alone and labelling it as a fear of losing her. When if you look at it objectively you wouldn’t be losing much when she can’t reciprocate or meet your needs.

Do you think it’s more the idea of being in love that you want and to be with someone? It would explain why you let her treat you that way, you rather stay with anyone even if that person doesn’t choose you because its better than being alone.

Can you describe some of her behaviour so we can get a better understanding to see if she was using you or just a mess herself too.

Those second thoughts about whether you actually would want to commit to all of her (including children) is clear indication that you don’t otherwise you’d accept her no matter what came with her.

Anyway the point is finding gratitude in what you are blessed with is key. Once you start thinking about what you have instead of what you don’t it switches your mentality. Think abundance not scarcity.

Also like you said be compassionate and kind to yourself as it has been only 2 weeks. But everytime you go back to wanting to get back together remind yourself what you deserve. Don’t settle for less. Eventually you’ll start to take her off the pedestal and that will be the day you realise the fantasy or idealised version was not true.

Can I ask what about you, you think is not attractive?
Why are you shocked she initially went for you?