Dear Teak and Dear Anita,

Anita “He gave you his Word and broke his word to you repeatedly- that’s something wrong that he has done to you repeatedly”

yes Anita that true its wrong thats why i am so turned off by this .and you are right ..may be my ending contact with him doesnt effect him much ..as i m thinking ..I am trying to communicate to him ,he already knows that my feelings changed for him now..i m trying to communicate to him in better way and trying to overcome this and let it go as soon as possible ..

sorry this post is going to be long .

Teak wrote “do you want to follow tradition and indeed get married as soon as possible, because that’s what’s expected from you.”No.I dont really wanna follow tradition and marry ASAP but i also dont want to waste my time, emotions and Energy on wrong person.”Or you want to give yourself time to meet the right guy – someone whom you really like and respect and feel you can rely on?” YES .i really wanna take my time to meet the right guy and know him very well before going ahead..

and thank you so much for your advice ..i m thinking about it ..

about my EX.relationship :(from thread)

i met him on 3rd to 4th meeting i started to have doubts about the person as he was just talking all about himself all the time but i ignored all my  my gut feelings ..yes i felt ashamed, of him being there at my place most of time whenever he is free ..staying nights weekends and talking on first date about marriage ..etc ..but hesitating to take stand for me , when i was being pressured from home ..

in my last relationship (which was described in 7 months ago thread) i was carrying alot of baggage of my previous (toxic relationship) which made me insecure ,doubted my self worth, where a father of two sons ,10 years older than men (my ex) calling  me names Prostitute , Gold Digger , made me financially broke, harrassed and blackmailed me , threatend to destroy me  ..called my friends and saying that i m Prostitute  and was torturing me in any or every way ..he was/is a jerk and i became insecure that any guy is ready to sleep with me but when it comes for commitment / taking Stand  no Guy will do ..may be these all experiences made me feel like or let me act the way i was acting being pressured to be in a marriage etc ..

but eventually i realized that no i dont really just want a marriage .i want to be happy ,heard ,seen in relationship and broke up with him (before 7 months thread related ex.bf)..

Now about current Situation:” I got one very good proposal last month through a friend who is in uk.. But i rejected it but without giving it any thought, i rejected it as i thought i have bf … I told my bf about proposal he got very upset.(here i referred the proposal which came for me ) So I asked him to talk to his mom about our proposal he said he will do in 2-3 days.. And till today i got 0 update about this..ths happend 2 more times”

and he was getting upset for any proposal which was coming for me and my saying to him was, its normal as i m in that Stage of my life.

As i m not the same me to him from last few days or week so i got response before 2 days from him  that he sent my picture to his mom.

in this long distance relationship i just met once before two months (non-sexual)  but we were communicating all the time for hours and i felt everything is great .i saw the very first red sign when he claimed he will do something -he gave me surety and asked me to “dont worry “it will be done and he will take care of it .. after 3-4 weeks  it couldnt be done and his reaction was very normal ,no further efforts and very cold reaction ..in those 3-4 weeks i was asking about updates that a bit important for me and that was first time i gave him something to take care or he claimed to do ..

this happend again ..

and again about talking to mom ..

i started thinking what if he just good at talking and when it comes to do something he isnt doing anything..than i started to observe his messy circumtances i saw the same .. his financial issues , education problem and visa issue it all created by delaying to act …being irresponsible and not caring at all ..it was a pattern of irresponsible behaviours and depending on others ..

i got disappointed and emotionally hurt and i started turning off  that he gives his words but no action.

“thats why i wrote in my first post , am i judging him ?? or are these bad timing or patterns??

i am a human being its possible i can be  wrong here about this ..and many more but patterns dont lie ..

i will really appreciate your Reply and your thoughts about all the situation..

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Peace.