Hi @Shweta

Thanks for your input. I agree nature is very healing. It can take each person a different amount of time to heal and it comes with range of emotions, but accepting sadness is temporary does help stop you falling into a spiral. If you need anything feel free to post.

Hi @Jay2023

It’s been a long day. Bloody Zoom and Teams!!!! I thought I’d tune out from my workload and reply. Going to be a late night.

The experience was one emotional rollercoaster but I made it. I will not lie on the very rare occasion I still think of my ex, he was my very first experience of pure love. I think the way I loved him, it could have been all so different. I do want him to be loved again in that way and for him to experience loving in that way too. I just know I need and deserve more, we can’t be happy together we just didn’t fit. Our needs and values didn’t align.

My new bf makes me feel like I don’t have to question his feelings and intentions. It’s so different. It’s so great to be able to communicate and not be met with resistance or avoidance. I know it’s early days and I don’t want to get ahead of myself but I know his intentions are serious and aligned with mine and that really makes a huge difference.

I think when you find a higher purpose, you realise that you can not waste life. You can not allow someone else to break you. So I think that’s why my healing was quicker. Everyone was saying it will take min 2/3 years to move on from such a long term relationship. Thinking about being miserable for that long was daunting prospect. When I hit rock bottom I knew the only way was up or stay stuck in this rut and waste my time. When you appreciate time, value it, then your mind set changes you want to be better and do better.

I spent at least 4/5 months going work inwardly. Finding focus, purpose, questioning who I was and my legacy. I built my self esteem. Made major life decisions and steered my own life back in the right direction. It takes you taking control. Saying enough is enough to the self pitying.

I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt, I’m not saying it wasn’t painful to love and be told I was not enough several times. But I could have let that define me or I could let it spur me to prove to myself my own worth. My own worth, my life was not going to be reduced to a heartbreak.

Can I ask why you blamed yourself at that time when you let her back in?
It’s rare to find people who are so upfront and honest about their feelings. Often this is looked at a weakness but it’s not, its an incredible strength to be able to be authentic with your feelings. To be open and vulnerable and risk it. So be proud of that trait.

I don’t think you should be wary. Feelings can not be controlled they come out of the blue at times. However how we react is important. Don’t over invest until commited, on the other hand don’t go into a relationship with walls, just try staying objective. Does this person and I have needs, wants, beliefs which align? If they don’t then don’t be afraid to walk away. Love is a straight 50/50 risk. Always will be.

You’re a typical man you got hooked on the chase. At first she was all in ( she was infatuated at best or manipulating at worst) then she pulled away. You wanted what you can’t have. Think back to the beginning when she was “very into you” what was holding you back then?

I didn’t quite grasp what you meant you’ve never transpired that into having a healthy relationship? Please explain, my brain is a little slow right now!

The pandemic has meant developing self sufficiency. The typical support network or activities that are there to help with heartbreaks were inaccessible. So you adapt. Both of us have and its a huge milestone which indicates inner strength. So do make sure you look at the achievements you’re making along the way. They’ll all add up and culminate in your overall growth and healing!