Dear Laelithia, continued:

The limerent experience is far from being an ongoing Garden of Eden experience cut short by a breakup/ Exile. The euphoric experience is interrupted repeatedly by anxiety, suspicion and anger. Within the one month relationship with J, in 2017, before the breakup, there was anxiety and anger: “we did have a few silly arguments.. I noticed his contact was far less than before. I pointed this out… he reassured me so many times.. “- during the one month, you needed and asked him so many times to reassure you that he will be with you forever because you were anxious, suspicious so many times.

In Jan-Feb 2019, you shared about an earlier relationship, an earlier limerent experience,  one with a man you met in 2016 when you were 27: “I have never met someone before or since him that I found physically, emotionally, and intellectually attractive”, and yet, the relationship was “full of extreme highs and devastating lows”.

He was not committed to you, so, perhaps the lows were a result of his lack of commitment, but only two days after he committed to you (“He assured me that he would date me exclusively”), you went out on a date with him and “got into an argument.. and I exploded into an angry tirade”, not because he retracted his exclusive commitment to you, but because he wanted to spend the evening out, with you and your friends, instead of having alone time with you at home.

“I was so happy every time we were together, it was only when we were apart that my mind would play tricks on me and make me believe he didn’t care about me.. I tested him constantly, started arguments just so that I could witness him trying to win me back… My subconscious simply couldn’t allow me to believe that someone could truly love me, stay with me, want me. So I constantly was looking for evidence to support this idea”-

– this 2016 limerent experience was far from being an ongoing, uninterrupted euphoric, “so happy” experience, not while spending time physically together, and not in between meeting. The Exile of childhood, the rejection, betrayal and neglect experienced then seeped into this romantic relationship, interrupting the euphoria, making a Return to The Garden Impossible.

You wrote regarding that man of 2016: “When I remember being with (him), I remember being happy, fulfilled, understood, attracted to someone, and content”- that was a selective memory, you forgot the anxiety, suspicion and anger in between the moments of euphoria.

“I was afraid to let someone in and become attached to them or fear they might leave me”- while desiring a return to The Garden, you also feared being Exiled again. You didn’t know you don’t yet know that the Exile of childhood was final, and is final for every person. A Return is impossible.

In January 2019, you shared about another man, one who lived in Europe and who was way less of a limerent experience for you. But when you felt rejected by him, he became a bit of a limerent object:  “when I felt he was rejecting or abandoning me.. I desperately want another chance.. why could I not see how wonderful he was before? Why was I so focused on being miserable”?

When he gave you another chance, you thought about the man you were infatuated with before him, comparing the current man unfavorably to the previous limerent object. Being with the European man “feels ‘wrong’ in a way. Not like I wanted to be with the others”.

In May 2019, after a breakup with the European man, you wrote: “I dread the idea of my life without him in it.. I’m just terrified… I feel lonelier than ever, and I feel like I let him down by talking about my past all the time.. It feels surreal that just a couple of days ago, we were planning my trip to see him next month”-

– you formed an emotional attachment not him, only a lesser one than to the stronger limerent objects in your life.

– to be continued later.

anita