Dear Jenny:

I am fine, thank you. I mentioned to you earlier that I recovered from my first Covid vaccine shot- well, I recently had my second Pfizer shot and the only side-effect I experienced was a really good feeling!

I am glad you stopped by to discuss your most recent feelings regarding R. You referred to what you’ve been feeling as “very weird”. I don’t perceive your feelings of attachment to him, the desire that he reaches out to you, as weird. This is how I understand it:

At one point, I suggested referring to this man as R, standing for Rude, an adjective that he earned by his behavior toward you. There was another person who was rude to you, a person who did not have the right to be rude to you any more than R had that right. I am referring to your mother: “my mom.. said personal hurtful things… she shouted at me” (Feb 3).

As a child, you were naturally very attached to your mother and therefore, very hurt when she was rude to you. You tried to change her mind and heart about you so that she will be nice to you, instead of being rude. Fast forward, R resembles your mother in that he too is rude to you. This triggers your early-life desire to change his mind and heart about you so that he will be nice to you, instead of being rude. This desire is still active in you.

Notice this: if you meet a guy who is very nice to you and is not similar to your mother in any way, that guy is not likely to trigger this desire, or an attachment to him. Isn’t that something?

anita