Anita, regarding my voice… I felt strongly that the man I was with in the past needed to sort out some issues of his to be able to see clearly, and that our journey wasn’t over. Not that we needed to spend life together, but I wanted to see where it went if he also tried to do some of the work that he needed to do on himself. I did not have strong feelings about men before or after him up until this man really. With my last ex I ended things, and with one of my first loves I ended as well. So there were relationships I felt that were not meant to be, and many other casual ones in between. I am always willing to reassess my voice and feelings as time moves on as well. So no, I don’t feel that this voice has necessarily steered me wrong in the past, as the relationship still had some development left at the time (that one specifically in the past), and others I left because they felt over. This is the one that has been the most difficult for me.

I use others’ perspectives as a way to reinforce what I feel, or bring about the truth of what I feel, like holding up a mirror. You may be right in that I still do feel hope even in the face of some of his assertions. I meant to say I am trying to take him at face value, but it has not been easy, as I don’t feel like he is being fully honest with himself. I feel hope for us as there have been changes up until this point and I feel like we aren’t a simple case of “not meant to be.” It wouldn’t feel conclusive as he is teetering on the verge of a breakthrough or a more enlightened path. I guess I feel that, and I feel that his view will change completely in some ways and it may change us for the better. In the past I would’ve left because I did not feel that change was imminent and that all options had played out. There isn’t enough of a solid conclusion here for me to feel good about moving on prematurely. As we try to make assertions about the future we move into it, like it or not, and some things cannot be determined between us, some will be revealed in due time.

If I felt like other parts of the relationship weren’t working, I would suggest a break.