Dear IpkRO9:

About love and whether it was love between you and the man we are discussing: I have no doubt that there was love in the relationship, in you for him, and in him for you. But it was not strong enough to make the relationship work well for your mutual benefit long-term.

“what is love exactly?”- honest and safe emotional exchange between two people, when you are no longer afraid or ashamed to express yourself as you are, as you think and feel, having that kind of intoxicating freedom!

“why did we bring out each other’s issues up front but could not solve them?”- (1) to a large extent because it was difficult to solve the serious issues, “because it was easier to be involved in other things”,(2) because there was not enough love there, not enough honest and safe emotional exchange, to motivate the two of you to work harder and longer on the relationship, and (3) because of.. well, stupidity: trying to earn your older sister’s approval, that was a stupid quest.

I do not use the word stupid often, I think that today, right here, might be the first time I use the word on the website. I use it here today because it really is stupid to try to get the approval of a selfish, self-centered, senseless, abusive, unethical person. Trying to get the approval of a wise, fair, ethical sibling or parent would not have been stupid.

* If you read the thread by Dpk, a man from India who posted for the first time today, you will read a similar feature in his story to yours, regarding a disapproving sister.

anita