Dear lk09,

I hear you and your concern about your sister’s aggressive, manipulative behavior all throughout your childhood and youth. It’s good that you’re aware of her abusive behavior and you don’t feel obliged to take it just because she’s your sister and you should “love each other”. It’s great that you’ve set some boundaries and aren’t allowing her to abuse you any longer.

It’s also very mature of you to try to talk to her about your ex and what exactly she holds against him. But she refused to detail, asking you to trust her, simply because she says so. Since she already informed your parents (and everybody else) about his crush on her, it’s probably true that she wasn’t trying to protect you, but she just behaved true to herself – telling you basically “just do as I say”. In fact, if she knew things about him (since they were in the same friends circle), it would have been only fair if she told you, specially since you asked her to be completely honest with you. So I see how she actually betrayed you here and didn’t act in your best interest.

In a recent post you wrote:

I don’t know how long we would have lasted if my sister didn’t interfere but I would have still dealt with it better than the mess she created with me, him, my family, and his family. I don’t think I can ever forgive her for that even if tomorrow someone else comes to my life, I know I can’t forgive her.

Well, regardless of how your sister behaved, she isn’t the only reason your relationship failed. She may have interfered and ratted him out, but it wasn’t what ruined your relationship. Rather, it was his insecurity, his addictions, his ambivalence. And his asking for her approval even if she was clear she would never grant it. If he were serious and dedicated to you, if he’d pulled his act together, she wouldn’t be able to stand in your way. But unfortunately, he wasn’t, and that’s why things ended the way they did…