I made a decision to work on myself and move on and although the urge to help him is quite strong but I know it will not suddenly bring me a happy relationship. Even in the past, whenever I chose to be in contact with him when he needed any help, I never was expecting something in return. Because whatever was there in the relationship front, I felt we were very good friends.

Especially when we spent the week together in February, we spent a good time together- we enjoyed ourselves, we talked well about all issues, we discussed about the future and we made a decision to meet often and work on our bond together. I said I would come to see him on his birthday in March and he agreed. He didn’t even want to leave. Although his issue staying was that he knew nobody but me in the city so when I went to work and he worked from home, he felt weird and said that all his insecurities would rush back in till I came home in the evening.

Anyways after he left, maybe his fears changed his mind again. He told me he felt I will be too attached to him if I go to see him in his city.

It’s been difficult to trust but that incident made me lose hope as well.

I made a decision then that this is it. I told him I was leaving and he agreed at first but then he asked me not to end it and that he will see a therapist to know why he is behaving this way and why he is so afraid of marriage. When one is in love, they feel really optimistic about everything. I felt like yeah he is trying, let me stick around for some more time.

He did go to the therapist but he didn’t find much help.

At home, nobody is asking for my consent anymore. They didn’t ask if my relationship with him ended or not, they are like since the choice was between my sister and this unknown man… Obviously our daughter will choose her sister and so they started telling me about different boys suitable for arrange marriage.

I told him and at first he gave his usual replies about how confused he felt but then I think he gave up too. He said meet them and if you like any of them, marry that person.

So, I am not going back. I have understood that nothing is going to change. But he doesn’t want to.

I don’t know why there is this complex in Indian society that if a man changes himself for a woman then he is weak, a wussy because acc. To the society, it means he loves the girl more than she loves him and that is not good as the girl will be dominant on the guy’s family.

In India, you don’t marry a person. You marry families. When you choose a guy, you choose his mom and dad and if his grown up siblings live under the same roof then even them. So, it is never just between a girl and a boy.

I so wished him to be the person I end up with. Reason was not any dependency, but the friendship we share… We think alike, we have same sense of humor, same temperament for people, enjoy similar things and adjust easily to things.

But we have lived together for a very less time and you never know what things would happen if we do.

I am taking care and will be okay. I have a lot to work on.