hi again anita and Teak (and anyone else who may read this)

I want to say that I deeply appreciate your sharing, thoughtfulness, and time spent with me on this thread. It helps me feel less lonely in the moment, but as things settle in I start to feel great amounts of anxiety and shame around what I post. I feel like I never should have never should’ve opened my mouth. Coincidentally, I started this thread in a similar place but hoping to find some way to feel better about it. At the moment I feel like its too hard to pull myself out of. I feel confused right now. I don’t know what to say. I worry I waste people’s time on here… that I am always spinning around in circles and being difficult and weird and  unreachable. I don’t know if I have anything else to say.