Dear lk09,

I am sorry that your friend’s father is in hospital fighting covid – I hope he’ll make it and fully recover!

Regarding your previous ex:

I always felt I was taking care of him. And within a year and a half, I wanted the relationship to end but he was already struggling so much in his life that I did not want to make life more difficult for him.

So what you’re saying is that you sacrificed yourself for him, because you didn’t want to leave him to struggle with his own problems. You thought you should help him. You have put him – the person who selfishly leaves you in the middle of the night on a deserted street – before your own well-being and your own interest. This is how you were conditioned in your family – to sacrifice yourself for your sister, to never fight back if she would strike you, to accept her abuse… Perhaps he even reminded you of her a little, with his anger and hot temper. With time, you realized he’s beneath you and you don’t want to be with such a crude person any more.

You then looked for someone more sensible and calm – the opposite of your sister – and that was your recent ex. With him, you didn’t feel weak, like a puppy, and at the mercy of his anger. You felt strong and confident, you were his superwoman. Now you were at least saving someone deserving to be saved – this gentle, sensitive guy who was so opposite of your sister. Do you think there might be a connection there? It never occurred to me before, but I guess it’s possible…

I just know that there was an emotion(Perhaps still is hidden within) too strong which neither of us could understand. I am saying this because we often discussed this that why do we still care for one another? … I was thinking to myself that why am I in this situation and why do I keep feeling for him when I haven’t even spent a month with him together.

I believe it was because of the dream of “what could be” that you were holding on to him. He was perfect for you from several aspects. One of his features you liked was his calm, sensible demeanor – possibly guaranteeing that he’d be different from your sister and that life with him would be peaceful and pleasant. And that you would be his No1 – something that you’ve never experienced in your childhood home. So he had a lot of potential, a lot of promise. There was a chance that your dream would come true… I think that’s the reason you were holding on to him.