@Jay2023 lovely to read you’ve really enjoyed the sunshine today and great job – staying sober! Do you live near the seafront? You’re so lucky! I love the water! I had a lovely chilled bbq today in my new garden with my bestie, her partner and my bf. The weather really does uplift you,it’s a shame it’s 95% time miserable here in the UK. 

Thanks for appreciating the previous post, I did take time to really think about what may help you. I hope the methods I used prove useful in some way and like you said food for thought on finding a different connection and meditation. 

One thing I have picked up on in your recent post and previously too is that you mention “power”. It strikes me as if you feel the need after rejection, to play games. Danny and Tim both went this way and if you’ve read their posts you’ll notice there was a lot of collateral. 

I can just imagine that you’ve read a lot of rubbish dating advice out there that encourages power play moves to keep the attraction or “protect yourself”. But if you believe in yourself and know what you deserve and want there’s never a need to do this. 

Correct me if I’m wrong I feel you’d now wait x amount of time to reply or give people the silent treatment, ignore or leave someone on read to act disinterested or passive aggressive rather than be authentic to your real feelings. 

Doing something to achieve a certain reaction no matter how we dress it is manipulative. I’ve done my own version too played hard to get, make a guy jealous, ignore his messages in order to prove a point in the past. I’ll openly admit it was immature and selfish. 

Playing these relationships games often happens when we are seeking something—such as control, validation, ego boost, sex, emotional soothing. 

It will not lead to a healthy partnership whatsoever. It just drives people away. You miss out on meaningful relationships. 

Mature adult relationships entail having open honest communication, vulnerability and being authentic about your needs and wants. 

Guess what, the sad truth is a majority were never taught or never had an innate ability, so lack emotional intelligence. 

Instead of learning to communicate, empathise. They stonewall, act passive aggressive etc. instead of dealing and verbalising their actual feelings be it negative or positive. 

An example one of my closest friends is stunning girl, great job. A guys dream catch especially with her libido. But all her relationships have ended because at first the men felt on cloud nine with the regular great sex but then realised when she was upset or emotional she would use sex as an outlet instead of dealing with the emotions and working through them, creating an emotional bond and trust so they all ended up feeling like a means to an end. The relationship ended. 

Most people don’t know who they are, let alone what they want or feel. They’re not even ready or try to find happiness in someone else. Consequently attracting drama filled volatile relationships because the lack of emotional regulation becomes norm. 

One key thing to remember is if a person doesn’t like you when you’ve been fully authentic then you have to be so self assured, that you walk away. That’s when you have true power. 

So I really hope you bypass the typical immature route that Tim or Danny found themselves going down and really reflect on what I wrote there. Don’t mean to lecture you or condescend but it’s something I felt a lot of people but especially men need to hear. 

Back to your other points, yes occupying the brain will definitely help reduce the rumination. So keep active! CBT will do wonders too hopefully. When do you get your session? 

I’m liking your positive spirit onwards and upwards for sure! Focus on that goal. 

Thank you for the advice about the present. I too thought a gift would be nice. Showing you care about someone should be well received but sometimes it isn’t. I have been in situations where I’ve done something with the best of intentions and when it is not received well I can’t help but get a little upset. So I’m wary of going against someone’s wishes. It’s always so difficult. This is one of those occasions where my overthinking can get me frustrated. 

Anyway let’s shift the focus to if I did get him something, what do you suggest? I struggle with gifts for men all you like is gaming and beer! What are some thoughtful presents you’ve received that have touched you? Any help would be welcomed! And why do you hate receiving presents is it a male thing?