@Jay2023 you’re doing great bro. Reading the words ‘none of that is my concern anymore’ really says it all. Your mindset has really shifted gears to allow you to focus on yourself.

Once you’re better acquainted with yourself, you can pursue love, companionship as everyone needs it but all this inner work will serve you in the future, you will not let your needs be unmet for as long as you did. Yes you could have nipped it in the bud sooner given it was on/off from the very beginning. However I think you’ll really grow and become stronger as a result of this experience and not allow a repeat.

With being bored of drinking, you’re wising up mate, might be the repetitiveness of it all too. Maybe you never really did get anything from it. If you keep going out with the same people and not drink, you’ll realise soon enough if it was more the company of your friends that energises you, the booze or neither! Perhaps now you’ve realised it’s about self enrichment and embracing solitude until you can find someone/thing that really adds to your happiness rather than seeking happiness in it.

Agree with Sammy, an update on the social media accounts can boost self confidence. As long as you don’t rely on it or do it for any other intent. So enjoy the self care and haircut. Post.

Breakup sex – three times? I was half joking about it as in most cases it just hinders the healing process but sometimes it can give closure – the last hurrah! But yeah mate I think for her it’s clear it was just staying in contact for sexual access! She had no intention of anything beyond casual and keeping you on the back burner. You can do better. Each to their own, men can be promiscuous without being judged so even if she’s loose as long as she’s happy within.  It wouldn’t surprise me though if this lack of self respect was rooted in self esteem issues.

Plenty of resources available on CBT so maybe you can start implementing them now and by the time you are seen maybe the obsessive thoughts and ocd will have already improved tremendously. How are you feeling. Has Mondays mood remained consistent?

@Sammy, happy to have helped. Given what you wrote about your bf’s job, it is clear quality time will be a winner. So your combined idea sounds perfect! He sounds great so far, is level headed, giving and good for you. I’m really pleased for you mate!

I read your post yesterday and wished you never asked about your friend’s situation because it upsets me too and reminds me of things I’d like to personally forget with ‘B’. However you give to this thread and others so openly and willingly, I would like to do the same, even if the topic makes me uncomfortable.

I’d like to point out I have never stooped as low to use disgusting terms like that to describe any woman. The facts are though I was a bit of a dick and hurt ‘B’, it was immaturity on my side. @Jay2023 can offer an unbiased viewpoint.

Sometimes women can lead men on for their own power trips which is equally unfair and hurtful. The term cocktease has been coined as the female equivalent of a guy being called a player.

The case you described however,  it’s obvious the guy was being an arsehole.

If a guy is using any type of derogatory slurs such as frigid, slut, cocktease, whore towards a woman whether as banter or not, you’re right he has an inherent disrespect for women and needs a lot of soul searching.

When he didn’t get sex he acted immaturely and his knee jerk reaction at best was to self soothe his ego at worst was to say something that in his mind would convince or manipulate her to give in . Pure stupidity and dickhead behaviour.

Simply put men are primal and like most men he presumed he could be the one to conquer. Yes I’ll be honest and break bro code, it was probably a challenge because let’s be honest most people are easy these days.

Men only act butthurt if their ego is bruised by a hot woman. To be charitable to the guy, he most likely found her very sexually attractive, by her sticking to her guns even if she expressed feelings, still would have felt like a rejection in his eyes, in turn triggering underlying self esteem issues. This is no excuse but these type of men are always insecure.

I don’t know if his intentions were insincere from the beginning. If they were, then he just wanted his cake and to eat it too. Instead of being emotionally stunted and selfish he could have discussed ways with her to make it easier for both better still if he knew he didn’t have the self control and willpower to be patient he shouldn’t have got involved, your 100% right there.

I think @Jay2023 as a male will agree that not every man out there need life lessons to fix him up. There are some great guys like your new bf who are ready and mature enough for a healthy relationship. His behaviour was a reflection of his issues not a reflection of your friend. Sorry she got hurt, I hope he hasn’t damaged her confidence too much. She must be a very beautiful woman and should continue to stick to her guns.

She has a right to choose when and who she wants sex with and some men need to grow up and get this obligation nonsense out of their head. As long as she makes her intentions clear from the beginning, then even if they were flirting , making out, it’s his job to control his own urges, she owes nothing to him. Sex is not an exchange. It should be between two people with a connection who equally want it.

She hasn’t lost out. You remind her of that. When you hurt a strong girl which she is for not giving in, you are only hurting yourself. You are giving up the opportunity to spend a lifetime with someone who would treat you with respect, who would support you when you’re down. He is the one who lost someone faithful, someone true to their values.

If he has a conscience he will have or will correct it by approaching her to offer an explanation and apologise in person soon enough. If he is just an arsehole, he will not. Tell her not to lose sleep over it either way. Karma does its thing always.

On that note, I think I’ll leave it there. @Jay2023 can help you further if your have any questions. It’s actually brought up a lot of emotion for me and I feel really lucky I was able to make amends to the extent i did with ‘B’. Time to take a day off and go remind my beautiful kind woman why I love her and say some graces.