Thank you Anita once again for the detailed response. It makes a lot of sense the way you explain the splitting – I wasn’t aware of this term neither its similarities to Borderline Personality Disorder.
“And so, every time she expresses anger at him, she believes she is bad and therefore has just invited the bad boyfriend into her experience. She then tries to be perfect again, caught in a trap.”
This is exactly what was happening in my previous relationship – I couldn’t of course understand it. With my mind I could tell that we talk for one person but within me this good vs bad were always there I guess, in feelings level.
It’s been only recently, in my current relationship that I start to express anger or sadness – but after understanding my issues and my inability to express anger cause it results into guilty right after.
It is still not an easy procedure for me. But I try to express my feelings – and I am graceful for my new boyfriend that is accepting my anger or sadness without blaming me or something. It is a very new experience to me and the only, I feel, true relationship I ever had (friends & family included). I don’t know if it is going to last, as we are very different persons and I still can not be sure (I may never be though with anyone!) but I try to focus on “now” and benefit from this safety net his presence lingers to my feelings expression, so that I gradually be able to do it more and more. I guess I will always carry this burden from my childhood, but gradually it is getting easier to overcome my fears.
Christina
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