Dear hopeful80,

you’re welcome! Good that you discussed the nude photos incident and that he’s on the same page with you – realizing it’s not really acceptable in a committed relationship. You said that after this bit was cleared, you two decided to date exclusively. But then, you started needing more reassurance and asked him 3 more times about this woman. He’s annoyed with that, and probably that’s why his behavior changed and he’s not that enthusiastic about you any more. Is that right?

It could be that after the incident, your anxious attachment style became more pronounced and you started demanding constant affirmation and “proofs” of love. Perhaps you’ve become clingy and insecure, fearing that he might leave you. This could be driving him away, even if he otherwise doesn’t have a problem with intimacy (i.e. if his attachment style isn’t avoidant). You said in relation to that:

I am seeing that I am reaching far more than the other person, always, willing to do more. I often times wonder if it’s for external validation and people pleasing.

It could be also the fear of abandonment, which is at the core of the anxious attachment style. Your anxiety could also be caused by the belief that you’re unlovable, or not good enough, and therefore in danger of being abandoned by the person you love. That might be the reason of your insecurity.