@Jay2023 and @Rhaenys

Self esteem or confidence that’s determined by the opinions of others is precarious; it can just as easily be given to us as it is taken away. So I am glad you both are not looking to fill voids and that you don’t need to resort to those measures to feel confident within yourself. It’s a step forward in self loving and healing.

Besides the fact that in the long run using apps for validation can make you feel worse, you might also be leading people on.
If you are going on with lingering vibes from your last relationship without healing first. You can’t fully commit to another person and be capable of having a healthy relationship.

To avoid being hurt ot hurting others, only chat with people you’re on the same page with i.e. both happy with a casual encounter etc or with someone you’re genuinely interested in and you can avoid deceiving them.

Rhaenys you found out the hard way that you were just being led on. Sorry you had to go through that. If he was genuinely interested in building on the connection he would meet you and be equally invested. Danny is right, most people especially men have been bored and lacking that stimulation so are using people. Don’t take it further, he had his chance and showed his colours. You deserve more than to be strung along for months. Time is valuable. Maybe try a different app when you are ready for something serious, some like Tinder you’re more likely to find those in search of casual encounters and there’s a higher percentage of finding the wrong uns.

I believe when you and @Jay2023 really have found yourselves within. Something will present itself naturally. Look at me, my besties bro had been on the fringe all along, I never saw him as a romantic interest but then one day it all just fell into place. He adds to my happiness and finally my needs are being met. It took pain and struggle to figure out what those needs were and who I was. So keep believing. Oh @Jay2023 I remember you saying it’s your exes birthday in May too, how do you feel about that now?

@Dannydan
I’m in a very good place right now after a very long time. The on/off nature of my last relationship naturally led to an addiction to him but like any addiction it ravaged my soul, confidence, body and mind. So was a hard road but to have a man who just steps up, spoils me, is expressive has been beautiful to experience. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself because it is still the honeymoon phase and I don’t want to have expectations and then be disappointed but at @Jay2023 personalised idea really did cement our relationship, I can if i allow myself see a long term future. Oh and of course I did what you suggested at the end of the message trail 😉 which also went down a storm! Alot of barriers were let down last weekend and I feel great !

Awww thanks, I know what you mean, when you just connect with someone, you do develop an affection for them even if they are a stranger. You feel understood and seen, not so alien! I’m glad you found that in me. I’m really touched and like I said I’m rooting for you and ‘B’ it’s a really heartwarming tale and I’m looking forward to you two beginning the married life chapter.

I think it’s fairly obvious physical touch is up there for both of you 😉 maybe acts of service is another one for her? Maybe ‘B’ needs you to do that more to feel appreciated. Eg. instead of her chasing up a wedding query you do it on your own accord to make her see this is an equal partnership and she’s appreciated. Us women want you to WANT do it yourself not tell you what we want! Lol

Oh Danny you will hate me but didn’t you just promise ‘B’, you wouldn’t keep things from each other even if it’s to protect one another and instead would deal with them together?

Maybe you should tell her what’s happened, she will have a better understanding on what’s caused some of the resistance around the wedding events (other than you being a typical man🤦🏼‍♀️).

I have friends who are in interracial marriages and experienced something similar it is difficult navigating but they’ve always had each others back.

It is actually so selfless of you to not voice your hurt because you know she’s a family girl and you don’t want to cause any internal conflict for her so are putting her first. It makes sense now why your insecurities have surfaced again! But she seems to be very sensitive and perceptive, hence detected possible resentment so explaining things to give her will give her a clearer picture and do you both good. You don’t have to play victim, just express how it made you feel. Also you must remember not everyone will like you but she LOVES you and CHOSE to spend the rest of her life with you. That’s all that matters.

You are good to her, you have a bond with her immediate family. She will value that and she will have your back. I think she already does that’s why she said I feel pulled in all directions. You just need to reassure her too she’s your first priority. I think that’s all she needs to hear.