I’ll be honest with you Sammy I’ve not had a great couple of days, I’ve had a mini spiral of negative thoughts and feel really lost again, I hate saying this after being positive a couple of days ago. I just can’t understand how my moods are swinging like this and at times I’m struggling to find any sort of happy thought, I’m just turning up did work everyday and trying to save as much as I can for when I feel better to enjoy the things i plan to do. I thought as time went on it would get easier and at times it is but I’m still having these days which are really tough. I had a moment of weakness last night and went to a great length to obtain her number from an old phone, not because I wanted to contact her but just to see an updated WhatsApp picture, I know I’m not doing myself any favours by doing things like that but in a moment of weakness I couldn’t stop myself, it is her bday coming up at the end of the month but again I’m not going to send a message, not out of spite because I would like to but I just know nothing good can come from it for myself. I know I need to focus on how I was treated and that I deserved better but I still terribly miss all the good parts and those feelings.

I just don’t know at the moment within myself, I feel like I’m just going round in circles in my mind and its so frustrating, I actually contacted the place that are arranging my therapy yesterday to make sure they haven’t forgot about me and that should he coming up fairly soon, I’m not going to lie I’m really hoping that’s gonna help because I just don’t want this to go on for what already feels like an eternity.