Dear Javier:

“I have never been able to keep relationships, and never have been able to show love and care to my siblings and relatives”- probably because you’ve been afraid for too long, ever since you were a toddler. Living with so much fear makes it very difficult, or impossible to “show love and care”. Fear shrinks, love expands- when you live in fear, it is difficult to love.

“I’ve managed to maintain one relationship, and that’s with my two nieces. I love both of them as if they were my own kids. They are the only thing that keeps me going in these tough times”- be an example to your nieces, show them how to survive and get stronger in tough times.

“Now, as I’m in my 40s, unemployed, with no bright future, childless, and a life full of regrets and remorse, I’m asking for some guidance”- I bold faced what you do have, a life. It’s not the life you want, but it’s life nonetheless, which means that you can make it better. Try to view your life not from the top looking down at what you don’t have, but from the bottom, looking up at what you can have.

You had a plan and a dream to have children in your 20s. This dream did not come true and you can not make it true. Let it go then. Have a different dream, make another plan- nothing big, at this point: strengthen your body just a bit today, help your mother with a small task today, smile at your nieces. Make your day meaningful in small ways, then go to  bed at the end of the day and congratulate yourself for the progress you made today.

Daily progress will make a big difference in your experience of life. Focus on the progress you make and on what you have, not on what you don’t have. Post again anytime.

anita