Hi TeaK,

I think she didn’t do confrontation.  She would shut down… it’s where I learned the behavior, I think.

She did relapse.  Told me about it, then called her sponsor (after an absence of over two months), and started showing back up at Zoom meetings, once or twice a week.  She never said much before, and that behavior still holds.  She won’t ‘open up’ as I learned to do, very reticent and not forthcoming with much.  I think she’ll stay there until she feels safe in opening up some.  She isn’t ready to “drop the rock” yet.

She’s attended at least one in-person meeting locally, and is planning more.  We’ll see.  She did share these details at our meetings.  Her abrupt relocation has elements of the so-called “geographical cure,” where you leave the mess behind and start fresh elsewhere.  Only issue being, wherever you go, ‘there you are.’  Same person, same problems, new location.  Just quit her job, threw some things in the car, and started driving West.  She was still in contact with me along the way, and for awhile after she got there… then sent me a “dear John” email in early December.  Didn’t hear from her for months,  then she started with the Zoom meetings again.  Makes it a point to greet our old ‘regulars’… everyone but me.  So I’m definitely a problem of some kind for her.  Not my problem now.  I got the message, and am moving on.  If she wants to get in contact, she knows how.  I’m not holding my breath anymore.

I actually don’t really blame myself, not this time.  I don’t see how I could have acted any differently, and stayed honest to myself and what I was feeling.  Feels like a case of , ‘hey gave it my best, but it just didn’t work.’  I can live with that.  it’s an honest failure, and a valuable lesson.