Dear Felix,

I am glad that those affirmations lifted your mood, at least for a short while.

not many people wanna hear my thoughts.

Actually, I enjoyed reading your last post, where you talked some more about your family, your father’s business, and your own dilemmas and feelings about it. You have valuable thoughts. As you’re accepting the idea that you’re not a lost case and you’re not focused only on one thing which you cannot change, but are open to explore things that you can change, you’re getting more in touch with your true self. And your true self has many valuable things to share and contribute, and you’re already doing it here.

Yeah she keeps regarding me as “a reason to worry”, tbh because she keeps doing everything for me… you could say that i’m now a “coward”… i have difficulties in being confident. But i didnt blame her, as i know she contributes more on my life than my father.

I can relate to what you said about your mother. My mother was/is the same: in her eyes I am a reason to worry. She never had faith in me (not because there was anything wrong with me, but because of her own fearful nature), and she brought me up with that notion. If the parent sees us as weak, incapable, “a reason to worry”, they’ll do things instead of us, which will weaken us even further. And we too will start believing we’re weak and incapable.

Even if your mother was emotionally more open and receptive, and you could talk to her about your issues, she’s made you feel weak and like a disappointment. She didn’t do you a favor by doing things for and instead of you, treating you like a baby. A better favor would have been if she would have encouraged you and told you “I know you can do it, I have faith in you”. But worrying mothers are like that – they worry too much and it makes us even weaker.

As for your father, it’s hard to grow up with a father who never smiles, never has fun, but to whom it’s all about work, work, work. He has a strong sense of duty and responsibility, and his main motivation seems to be to provide for his family, to enable you and your sister comfortable lives. He even told you you should be lucky not to have money issues, so for him, material security seems to be the top priority.

Unfortunately he doesn’t understand that children need much more than material comfort. They need their emotional needs met too, and your father couldn’t support you there. No wonder, since he never talks about his emotions, he’s closed off, isn’t in good relations with his family…

He might not be able or willing to change, but you can change, and perhaps with time, when you don’t feel intimidated by him any more, you might even approach him, talk to him, show interest in him and his garden… i.e. give him what he couldn’t give to you. But it can only happen when you feel good enough with yourself, when you’ve built your self-confidence and self-esteem. You don’t need to force contact with him, but do it only if it feels spontaneous and sincere. And not now, but some day in the future.

My father also owns an aquarium and fish shop and is successful, and one day he’ll inherit it to me… but most of the people i know, even many of my acquaintances like to make fun of fish…. and i feel shy to tell anyone i have an aquarium shop…

I think aquariums are so cool – they lift up every space. They can be sold to office buildings, cafeterias, other places where customers come, because they always give such a nice atmosphere. There’s nothing to be ashamed of about aquariums – they’re really a fancy thing, and can be used to enhance many commercial spaces, not just private homes.

As for the fish shop – well fish is super healthy, the only problem is the smell, but where I live, people appreciate fish, it’s part of a healthy diet. For me, it feels so nutritious to eat fish, much more than meet. I see fish as noble food. I don’t know why your friends make fun of it, but you have all the reasons to be proud of owning a fish shop some day, because fish is good and healthy.

I don’t know if this helps you look at it differently? When you develop more self-confidence, you’ll be able to feel better about your father’s business too, or about any job you do, provided you do it honestly. It’s the lack of self-esteem that fuels those insecure thoughts and the need of approval – even by some silly acquaintances of yours whom you shouldn’t listen to whatsoever. When you’re self-confident, you can just laugh at them and enjoy the success of your flourishing businesses.