Dear Ishita,

I am sorry you’re still feeling sad and betrayed about him not reciprocating your love. What stands out for me when reading your latest posts is that partially you’re still believing he’d “return” someday. Which means that he’d fall in love with you the same as you did with him, and love you the way you love(d) him. As a boyfriend, not as a friend.

Somewhere i had this strong belief (still do) that he will return on his own someday, because he kept chasing me for a month until I called off the no contact and even since them, he keeps trying to have me around and being there for me. ( I might be wrong to assume this, but it just felt this way strongly).

You’re conflicted because on one hand you believe he’s a narcissist who tries to exploit you for his own purposes:

I still wanted to be around him, but I knew this was just the initial chase that narcissist pull, to get the victim to fall for them again.

I didnt want all this, so, everytime he used to discuss any personal issue or try to act overly caring , I used to ask him to cut the crap (in a politer way).

But on the other hand, you believe that he – even though a narcissist – would change for you. That he would finally see how special you are and choose You before anybody else.

Even though you rationally know it’s highly unlikely that he’d give you what you want, the hope and the craving is still there. It seems to me like a child’s craving for love – to be seen and acknowledged as special in her parent’s eyes. To be worthy for a parent to change for her sake, and to finally love her… Is this feeling familiar to you? (It could also be that I am making a baseless assumption here. If so, I apologize)

But i guess one cant control the process of healing so I guess all I can do is just give myself the love and care I think I deserve.

I believe we can only heal if we understand what caused the wound… if you want to talk about it some more, you’re very welcome. If not, that’s fine too, I totally understand it.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Tee.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Tee.