Dear noname:

The visualization exercise failed to deliver what I hoped it will. About love-

May 20, 2021: “being loved and accepted is the only thing on my mind… feeling unlovable”

March 15, 2017 (first post, first thread, “learning to love myself”): “I’m still struggling with self love, and feeling lovable”.

I will do my own visualization so to present to you how I see the problem: imagine love to be a peaceful aquarium with colorful fish swimming back and forth in clear water with coral, rocks and aquatic greenery, to the sound of the bubbling water-  quiet, calming, beautiful to watch.

Now, see noname wanting love more than anything, jumping into the water with a big splash, fish are forced out of the water, coral, rocks displaced, and you are left bruised and cold in the broken aquarium. You drag yourself out of the mess, dry yourself, replace the aquarium and find yourself miserably looking at it longingly from the outside, wishing to be inside.

The splash in my imagery symbolizes your desperation for love plus your anger at the objects of your love. To enter and remain in the aquarium, you have to enter it gently and while in it, move slowly, so to not disturb the water (resolving your lifetime anger, managing your anxiety, and getting to know a woman before jumping into a premature intimacy).

anita