Dear Ashmitha:

On January 20 this year, you shared about your boyfriend’s motivation vs yours: “He is still very much sexually attracted to me but I care more that he is attracted to my personality and that we are close friends”.

Four months later, May 25, you shared: “I know he is physically attracted to me but I don’t think he’s as interested in me as a person.. I know physical attraction and intimacy is important, but I think I have a lot to offer as a person, besides my appearance”-

-it seems to me that he is interested in you, being that you are an attractive woman who is not a family member, as a sexual object.

Jan 2021: “I have been told by close friends (females and males) that I have a great personality”- his behavior indicates that he is not interested in you as a person, that he doesn’t care to get to know you in depth. That’s why he chooses to spend his free time online with his family and friends, and in many group chats that do not include you (“He is online a lot during the evening after his work hours, so he is likely talking to friends/ family. He has lots of group chats. Also his work is only busy at the end of the month “, Jan 2021)

You shared today: “He is respectful, calm and understanding person.. a good guy”, being respectful, calm, understanding, and a good guy, he takes you out to eat and talk with you before having sex (“We mostly just go out to eat, talk and then are intimate”).  A man who uses a woman for sex does not necessarily acts rudely, most men know that they have to be nice so to have sex with a woman.

“He said I should be flattered that he’s still so attracted to me but I find it kind of annoying at times”- annoyed perhaps because the only attraction he has expressed to you is a sexual attraction?

* Many men who view women as sexual objects do get married, but they don’t change their view of women/ their wife, because of marriage.

If I am correct, I am sorry that this is your current situation.

anita