Dear Murtaza:

“Wish I knew you back then, maybe you wouldn’t feel so lonely.. a young girl alone.. somewhere in the middle east, suffering in silence, not knowing what to do”-

– if you showed up back then.. when I was your age and we talked as we talk now, maybe .. no, not maybe, I know I wouldn’t feel alone anymore, it would have been wonderful.. you would have been enough, for me.

I had one uncle- he is still alive, I believe, just that I didn’t have any contact with him for almost 20 years- he asked me questions one time, when I was a teenager, he looked into my eyes with a smile and curious eyes and asked me questions about what I think, what I feel– I remember it as if it happened just now. It was new and intoxicating to be asked what I thought.. as if what I thought mattered. I wasn’t able to answer any of this questions really, because my mother was sitting there, listening, ready to let me know that she strongly disapproves. My uncle’s smile was nice, she had a different kind of smile, a threatening half-smile.

All the thinking that we do to figure things out, you and I, and the reason I am not able to help you or anyone really- is because we need so much: how can I possibly transfer change to you?. All I can do is change a bit because of you.

anita