One thing i have learnt struggling with depression is that your mind is the your biggest enemy.  First of all you have to realize that most of the things you feel are not even real.  That’s your mind jumping into protection mode and trying to protect you from what it got used while growing up. deal with whatever emotions you are feeling. don’t be afraid to let them out. be grateful you have left the abuse in the past. Go to a local YWCA. They are more helpful than you realize.  Maybe a relationship is not the best thing for you at the moment. You need to redevelop a relationship with yourself. Get to know yourself all over again.  Only then can you be of use to anyone else let alone be able to have a healthy relationship.  What you have right now is a co-dependence on your boyfriend and that’s why he freezes up when you are going through one of your spells. It must be a lot on him too.  one day at a time.. Don’t try to think way ahead. don’t plan way ahead and stop comparing yourself to others and just do you.

Good luck,

weepy willow