Dear kleineBlumealleine,

your family hasn’t treated you well, either in the past or now. They didn’t notice the sexual abuse, and when you told them, they had no compassion for you but told you to stay silent and pretend like it never happened, because “no one will love me if i play broken and stay depressed.” They in fact blamed you for being broken and depressed, rather than the distant relative who did this to you. They also left you stranded when they picked out an university for you in a foreign country and then stopped paying after 3 months.

Last year, they called you to come from far away to help take care of your sick grandmother. If I understood well, it’s not because they didn’t want to expose her to the risk of covid, but because they didn’t want to take care of her?

And the latest – your sister got a family house, and you’re left out of the inheritance, right?

Unfortunately your parents haven’t treated you well. It feels like they’ve almost disowned you, and only care to reach out when they need something from you. You hoped it might be okay to keep in touch with them, but they betrayed you once again when they left you out from the inheritance. And when you complained about it, they stopped speaking to you. They accuse you of holding grudges against things you absolutely have the right to hold grudge against – against their abuse and neglect, as anita said.

So I think you better stop expecting anything from them. Perhaps stopping all contact would be the best, because if the only thing they can give you is mistreatment, then what’s the point in staying in touch?

I would like you ask you how you’re feeling about this whole situation? Do you feel guilty for “holding grudges”, or you see their accusations are unjust?