Dear Murtaza:

First, an experience I had at the taproom last time I was there, Sunday early evening: I wasn’t paying much attention to the conversation until I heard the word “birdman”, and it brought back to my mind that you used the word, it being the title of a movie that you like very much. It made me think of you, Murtaza, being right there at the taproom that evening! I paid attention to what was said: a local man whose family has lived in this town (where I live in the last 7 years) for generations, an attorney who writes about the town’s history, was talking  about a research he has done, in which he discovered that the “Birdman of Alcatraz” was a cousin of his, a second cousin I think, who lived right outside our town for some time before he was incarcerated. The Birdman of Alcatraz (Robert Franklin Stroud, 1890-1963) was one of the most notorious criminals in the U.S., spending 54 years in various prisons, until his death.  During his time in prisons, including Alcatraz (1942-1959), he became a respected ornithologist, studying and writing about birds, earning his title Birdman.

Second, the rest of my post: (1) Yesterday you wrote that you did not start this thread asking for help: “my post wasn’t cry for help, it was and still stand as a logical argument”- let’s talk about your logic vs your emotions a bit:

Yesterday, you wrote: “the past is already gone, and whatever has been produced from such past, can’t live here, and I have proofs of such”. Later you wrote “the past really makes the present, doesn’t it? sadly“- the second statement (the italicized) contradicts and negates the first statement. I think that the first statement was said when you were unemotional (emotion was not part of the statement), and the second statement was said when you were emotional (emotion was part of the statement).

To have a true picture of reality that involves human emotions, it takes logic and emotion, both. Not only logic, or only emotion.

(2) “I lost the desire to want to be helped.. when I had it before..  it made me feel like s***.. it made my suffering more”- so that’s why you are angry and impatient with those members who are truly trying to be of some help you. In the past, people who tried (or pretended to try) to help you- hurt you more.

(3) “You know there is sociopath gene right?”- No. You are wrong about this: there is no sociopath gene.

(4) To my “babies don’t talk, can’t have a conversation with a baby”, you responded with: “I really like how you avoid my question just because you don’t wanna say the ugly truth lol, I won’t insist though”- you got me, it is what I tried to do, and part of me knew it at the time. (It’s almost cute, isn’t it, the way I was avoiding the question, like a child..). Thank you for not insisting.

(5) “I remember mentioning sexuality in my past post and you not liking such post.. though thank you for telling me”- you are welcome and thank you.

(6) To my “If you then ignored my request”, you responded with “why on earth would I do that?”- people have done this, even recently in these forums, a member recently ignored my (reasonable, fair, simply and empathetically, kindly stated) request repeatedly, and kept doing what I requested to not do- being aggressive this way.

(7) You wrote about who you are: “a human with a desire and goal to not be human, and that’s why I’m different”- different as in insane then. A human who desires to not be human is insane, says I (claiming to be sane at this time of typing these words). But then again, the sentence you wrote should be understood in the context of time- it was a product of your thinking at that moment when you typed it. It is not a permanent thought.

anita