Dear anita,

you are right, it is a habit. I don’t know about self-sabotage. When my therapist brought that up, I did not fully understand. According to psychology today it is “Behavior is said to be self–sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals.”. This applies to the behaviour of procrastination. But I don’t know…

Maybe because my thoughts can become overwhelming, I then decide to distract myself. But this doesn’t make me happy and I want to change.

Recently, I feel like I am getting a bit better though. Maybe I am just imagining it. Today I worked on my collage and I felt so happy with myself. Also, when I look at finished projects, I often feel satisfied with myself (sometimes I of course think that I can improve this or that). The worst part is often starting, then I am questioning myself and comparing myself to others. For example, when I started to study, I looked at other students work and felt inferior. Some had a very realistic style, others were more abstract. There were few with a more naive style like me. But this is me and when I stay true to myself, I feel the most happy and content with myself. I am feeling in tune with my true nature like today.

Even though the day did not start so well. I hadn’t slept very much, feeling stressed from work (I feel overwhelmed and insecure about the social interactions there and embarrassed). But then I cleaned up and made progress with my collage.

Tomorrow I want to work more on my collage booklet and go out into nature.

Here it is also going to rain soon, according to wheather predictions. In the last days it was more warm and sunny though. Today I even wore a summer dress.

Good day and night, anita!