Dear Kate,

I believe that one of the reasons why you’re afraid of your boyfriend cheating on you is that you have pretty low self-esteem. You said about your second relationship:

In my second relationship, the guy was really critical of me. He would consistently comment on my body weight, height ( I was quite shorter than him) and looks. He would tell me you are not beautiful but your nature is good. That really affected me mentally. I became too insecure of myself and was not at all comfortable in my own skin. I felt ugly and irritated all the time.

Since you stayed with this guy and tolerated him criticizing your looks, it tells me you have low self-esteem and that a part of you actually believed him when he said those unflattering things. That might be why you were insecure and jealous of that other girl whom he had a crush on (although a part of your jealousy seems justified – if he was actually lying and manipulating you), and why you’re now jealous of every girl who may come into contact with your current boyfriend.

It could also be that your strong sense of insecurity didn’t really start with your 2nd boyfriend and his comments, but earlier, with your parents? (you said you didn’t want them to see you with your first boyfriend, so I guess they are pretty strict and perhaps judgmental?)

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Tee.