Dear Felix,

I am glad that you’re aware of the two parts inside of you – one that is overthinking and keeps you stuck in a loop, and the other who wants to make progress and advance.

I even tried learning to draw cartoons on weekends to feel some achievement. And yeah it felt good.

That’s great, I am happy for you! Just keep trying out new things, things that are fun and that you enjoy. Keep stretching yourself and your limits, every day a little bit. It doesn’t have to be some big accomplishment, but small things.

The only thing i can do right now is by not posting anything on instagram, i even track my record to feel calmer….. i’ve achieved 18 days without posting and every time i see that record i feel very calm.

Even that is an achievement, Felix. You haven’t been posting for 18 days, you’re sort of exercising your willpower not to post. It’s like flexing a muscle 🙂 And it makes you feel good and calm… it’s a good strategy, I believe.

Actually the past mistakes that i’m only thinking right now is about that instagram stories, i used to post stuffs that end up embarrassing myself…. i did that only to attract that girl (the girl who confesses to me but told me not to wait for her)…. and now after failing to get her….. my brain feels that i did something wrong….. that im embarrassing myself to 300 people who viewed my instagram stories only to get her attention…. and in the end, it didnt work out with her. Like i lost on both sides.

There are two parts activated in you when you reflect upon this story: one is the healthy part who sees that your behavior (bragging) wasn’t the best, since it was motivated by an unmet need for love and approval, specially for being liked by that girl. It’s a self-reflective part, who says “this was inappropriate but I didn’t know better at the time. So I forgive myself. From now on, I’ll try to do better.” This is the part who wants to make progress, learn from his mistakes, and grow as a person. This is also the part who wants to draw cartoons, I believe 🙂

And then there’s another part, who uses whatever “unsettled problem” you have to keep you stuck in a mental loop, obsessively thinking about it. As I said, I believe this part is protecting you from potential failure, by preventing you from trying anything new. It’s an internal saboteur.

When you hear its voice, you can notice to yourself: “Ah, this is the protector. He’d like me to stay stuck because he’s afraid I am a failure. He thinks he’s protecting me, but he’s in fact holding me back. When I listen to him, I am paralyzed and unable to move on. I am accusing myself all the time and my thoughts drive me crazy. I don’t want that any more. I want to advance and thrive, I want to try out new things. Therefore I am choosing not to listen to this paralyzing voice at this moment. I am choosing to experience something new. I am making a space in my mind and heart for a new experience. I am open to a new experience.”

This is just a suggestion, you can use your own words of course. If you feel like trying it, let me know how it went…

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Tee.