Dear Murtaza,

i laugh when i want to cry, i laugh when i feel bothered

If you laugh when you feel bothered, or you laugh when you feel sad, it could be because when you expressed “negative” emotions such as anger or sadness in your childhood, they were unacceptable to your parents, and you might have been punished or faced some other repercussions. You couldn’t express your negative emotions freely, therefore you chose to suppress them and instead cover them up with an “acceptable” emotion, such as laughter, feigning to be happy, or indifferent, or not bothered.

i have a really low emotional intelligence… emotion is like a mystery to me

In order to have emotional intelligence, we first need to know how we feel, so that we could recognize how the other person feels and e.g. have empathy for them. If you needed to suppress your own emotions and got disconnected from them – for the reasons I mentioned above – it can easily lead to lack of emotional intelligence.

i don’t even know how to deal with anxiety, i ignore it, try to re sure myeslf, doesn’t work, the only thing that works is sleep, otherwise the pain in my stomach never goes away, 

The pain in your stomach can be from your anxiety, and if I understood well, you’re anxious most of the time when you’re awake. Anxiety as a default program can be caused by not having received proper soothing and comfort as a baby and child. For example, if you were left alone to cry in your crib, and nobody came to pick you up, that would be one reason. Or if you were punished for crying, for example.

i have a really low self esteem,

If you were criticized and condemned often as a child, that could have caused it. Any kind of parental rejection, or even lack of care and attention, leads the child to conclude that there’s something wrong with them, even fundamentally wrong. That they are unlovable and unworthy.

for the sake of just knowing, what would be the price to heal? how can i heal ? what method/things i should do? and do they work actually or just for some people ?

We as children have certain core emotional needs – such as to be loved, nurtured, accepted, appreciated, validated, to feel special to our parents, etc. If those core needs weren’t met and instead we were emotionally wounded – that’s where our adult emotional problems and anxiety stem from. In order to heal, we’d need to meet those unmet core emotional needs, and the best to do it is in therapy.

You would have to get in touch with your suppressed emotions, but first realize that they are acceptable, that you are allowed to have them. And then you’d need to work in therapy to release them, and to receive what you haven’t received in childhood – love,  compassion, understanding, validation etc. If you’d like to know some more, I’d be happy to answer.