Dr B.

Your writing all of this is good for you. Get rid of that toxic waste. Feel your feelings. They’re valid. Her loss not yours.  Concentrate on you for now. Take care of yourself. You are grieving the loss of someone you thought you loved.

I am disillusioned myself, & about same age as you but trying to take care of myself mentally & physically. I don’t want to be emotionally bulldozed ever – so right now I’m my best friend. I have bad days but now Ive noticed that they are getting fewer as I nurture the relationship I have with myself (& yes sometimes its depressing to be doing so at the 11th hour … )

Remind yourself that although this feels so dam hurtful that it’s for the better – and also good that you haven’t spent one extra minute (!) with someone who is clearly toxic for you.

Just take it one (bad or good) day at a time. The rest will follow naturally.